Volume 6, #2, February, 2008
What's That You Say?
The Art of Listening With Awareness
by Audrey Kalman
A recent workshop I attended got me thinking (again) about the art of listening. At the workshop, we listened one-on-one to another person's story. Our assignment was to encourage the person to feel heard -- by responding in a way that didn't draw a conclusion about their story or try to solve their problem. It was dang hard, and made me realize how often in daily life we simply don't hear what another person is saying.
Imagine the following exchange:
"I've been thinking about looking for a new job," a casual acquaintance tells you at a business event.
"Oh, what are you looking for?" you ask.
"I'd like to make the jump to the non-profit sector," the acquaintance says.
Before the final word of the sentence leaves her mouth, your brain has begun churning through a database of possible responses. Whom do you know who might help her? What about that non-profit board member you met last week? Your sister-in-law… didn't she work in Africa after college? Or maybe the acquaintance's revelation has struck a chord and you're planning to tell her that you, too, have thought of entering the non-profit world.
All these possible responses share the same shortcoming: they immediately shift focus from the other person to you. In your effort to fulfill your agenda (which may be anything from forging a connection with the person to showing how much you know about the subject), you begin formulating your comeback and stop listening to what she is saying. Worse, you stop figuring out how to elicit additional information -- how to probe.
Let's rewind. Suppose the conversation had continued like this:
You ask: "What is it about the non-profit sector that attracts you?"
She responds: "The feeling that I'm contributing to something larger than myself, doing some good for the world."
You ask, "What large causes interest you?"
She responds, "I'm passionate about how poverty affects children."
You continue: "Tell me more about poverty and kids."
You end up with a more comprehensive picture of this acquaintance and her interests. If your aim truly is to help her, you'll be better equipped to do so with this specific and detailed knowledge of her.
This type of listening is very similar to the deep, open-ended, non-judgmental probing that provides the rich resource material for voice-of-the-customer research. Sheila Mello wrote extensively about listening in her book Customer-Centric Product Definition, pointing out that it's so important that you don't want any old person doing it any old way. You want a structured interview process in which staff members have been trained.
The art of listening (sometimes called active listening or empathic listening) is something everyone should learn. Some of us will do it better than others. But even those who struggle with it -- especially those of us who struggle with it! -- will gain a new appreciation for how crucial it is to the process of gathering information from customers. Done right, listening can be the foundation for building solutions to customer problems. Done wrong, or skipped over, it can lead us astray. As Sheila pointed out in Customer-Centric Product Definition, "By jumping directly to defining solutions before they thoroughly understand the customers' requirements… development teams rob themselves of the understanding they need…"
My challenge to you: try actively listening to the next person you encounter -- your boss, your colleague, your spouse, your child, the person in the airline seat next to you. You may be surprised at where the conversation takes you.
Find out more about the art of listening and its role in voice-of-the-customer research on PDC's Web site.
Audrey Kalman is a marketer, writer, and editor who has been helping companies communicate clearly and convincingly since 1985.
